


Inside Even's Brain

by Delongpaw



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Even Bech Næsheim Loves Isak Valtersen, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Funny, M/M, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-07 23:25:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delongpaw/pseuds/Delongpaw
Summary: A fluffy piece about Even and Isak. Deviates from Canon at points.  Graphic Sexual Situations, language and drug use.  Story is basically Even's Brain trying to deal with falling for Isak.  No angst. No Bi-polar. Hopefully funny moments. Depression as a normal part of growing up is discussed.  Special thanks to Cobalt Bleu for his thoughts and input.





	1. Just Some Random Thoughts in Even's Head

Just some random thoughts in Even’s head. 

My name is Even Bech Næsheim and I am a closet nerd. I know that’s a weird confession but it’s my biggest secret. I have other things but this – this is what I try to keep hidden from everyone. Why? Well when you’ve been to three schools in three years if you don’t project some semblance of cool you get picked on. I’m not up for that. I’m tall, and my girlfriend says I have good hair so that helps. My girlfriend…well that’s a whole different story…one I ‘ll get to in a minute.   
I mean if people knew I was obsessed with Baz Luhrmann, Marvel Superheroes, Norwegian Club music, and playing League of Legends they would instantly slot me into some preconceived category in their head. I care too much. I mean I guess the definition of being an adult is not giving a Fuck what people think. So the way that I deal with it is just to say very little. People tend to project what they want on me. If they want to think I am a sexy, quiet James Dean brooder have at it I say! Less work for me. 

Ah, the girlfriend. I guess the only good thing about this upcoming move to Oslo is that Sonja is already there. She is working in sales for a telecommunications company. It’s perfect for her. She’s outgoing, bubbly and loves to take on projects. Last year, I guess I was her project. She zeroed in on me my first day of school…relentlessly. It was easy. She was fun. She was popular. She sort of took control of everything. I gotta say the sex was occasionally hot – it was nice to get off whenever I wanted, while at the same time letting go if only for a minute the tight hold I have on my true self. These last few months she’s been in Oslo have been good. I can breathe. I can let some of this false persona fall away a bit. But I am essentially alone here. I mean - I have a group of friends but they are more invested in my image than I am. The reflection I guess…it works for them. They don’t care about the stuff I like. They don’t want to discuss Terrance Malick’s use of Nature as allegory in his films, or the fact that River’s Edge was the first truly post modern film. Not really being yourself takes its toll. Sex and weed kind of take the edge off, but at some point it all gets old.   
My folks are cool, except for this moving every couple of years thing. They know me. They accept me, and on some level I think they see me put up my walls when I leave the apartment. I have never really given them reasons to not trust me and they basically leave me alone.   
It was actually my Dad’s idea to get me to repeat my 3rd year. I was so distracted last year and missed a lot of days. Who am I kidding…? The energy it took to show up as Cool Even just sucked the life force out of me. Sometimes I just couldn’t get out of bed. If I had more energy I think it would be anger…but you know what they say “anger turned inward is depression” or that’s what some shrink I saw once said. 

Oh and that thing that happened with MIKAEL. I mean it was nothing, but in a way it sort of changed everything. He and I were working on a video project for a production class I was taking. Lots of late nights and laughs and I let my guard down a bit, it felt really good. One night after doing about two hours of stop motion photography (which gave us like 10 seconds of actual screen time) we smoked a joint and had some beers. Mikael started talking about how the entire DC Comic Universe is rife with a homosexual subtext. He then did a ten-minute rant on Batman and Robin and their subversive man boy love affair. I only kissed him to shut him up. I mean he went on and on and I was buzzed. It just lasted a few seconds, no tongue. I’m not even that attracted to him. I don’t know why I did it. I still don’t. But what I do know is that it felt different from kissing Sonja. Massively different. Good fluttering in the stomach different. We stopped. He split. And it was never mentioned again. But I think about it. I mean I’ve watched my share of male gay porn. It works for me, but so does straight porn, and so does girl on girl porn. I am not 100% clear on the mechanics of gay sex, but I have spent some serious time thinking about Chris Hemsworth as Thor (naked.) ; )

 

Anyway, this new start in Oslo is an opportunity as I see it. I mean aside from Sonja, (who thinks she knows me,) no one really knows me. I can join a revue group, meet new people, and attempt to be truer to myself. Or not. Shit. I gotta pack.


	2. Hartvig Nissens - I’m here

Well. It went pretty well for a first week I guess. Everyone seems pretty cool. The cafeteria has waffles so …I mean the social groups are pretty well in place but I keep saying to myself that if see the right opportunity I’ll sign up for something. 

Sonia has been over every night this week. Whatever. At one point I just went into my room to draw and she watched tv with my folks. It’s like having a sister who you make out with in public and occasionally fuck. It’s weird. I think I’m over it. 

Speaking of weird…there was this guy in the cafeteria today. I was across the room and I locked eyes with him for a second. Maybe less than a second, but as I think about it – it plays back like when they show a phone video on the tv and the sides are blurred…the whole room got blurry and there was just him in focus. And when I looked at him, time just stopped, a break in the time space continuum. So weird. I sound like a fucking cliché. I know. Forget it. 

No pre drink parties for me this weekend. No I’m not feeling sorry for myself, just need to slowly ease into it this time. It would be good to find someone to buy weed from though. My stash is getting thin. Sonja has something to say about that so I won’t be asking her. Ha.   
I wish the school had like a directory online or something so I could stalk the cute blond guy from the cafeteria. I said it, huh, the cute blond kid. Well he was… face of fucking angel with a backward baseball cap. Jesus Even. What The everloving Fuck. Ack…Sonja is calling me in to the living room to cackle at some inane TV program. FML. I’m going to try and sleep.


	3. First Contact Isak

So Today was good. Really good. You know it’s funny, when you think about someone a lot, (um obsessively) it’s like you create an invisible magnet that somehow draws them to you. It happened today. I was on the tram home and the blond guy from the cafeteria was there too. We both got off at the same stop and he turned around and flashed me the smallest smile. Being the dork that I am, I did the classic Even eyebrow raise which not everyone finds as compelling as Sonia. He immediately looked down and blushed. We ended up walking together but separately for about a half a block. Being the suave dick that I am, I asked him if he knew where the closest place was to buy beer, as I had just moved to the neighborhood. I think I caught him a bit off guard as he stumbled and blushed a bit when he answered. (Cute huh? I know -right). 

He seemed confused for a minute, saying “you’re old enough to um buy beer?” 

I nodded doing a double eyebrow raise for effect. I stuck my hand out and said “Even.” He softly replied “Isak.” “You live nearby Isak?” 

He nodded, looked down and seemed so uncomfortable I had to end this. 

“OK cool,” I said. “Maybe we’ll chill sometime, I live about a block away.” 

He smiled a small smile and I swear to God his tongue peaked out and licked his lip. The eye contact lasted a nano second. Now I could have imagined it, and I was looking for something, some sign, anything that could tell me if this was an ordinary “hey bro don’t we go to the same school moment” or a “Oh Holy Hell I would do anything to suck your cock at this moment “ moment. I got nothing. He continued toward what I guess was his apartment when he turned and said “so are we gonna go get that beer or not?” Hell to the fucking yes we are... 

We ended up at my place where happily no one was home. 4 beers later, a complete listen to illmatic, (on vinyl thank you,) and a half a joint my new friend Isak and I were laughing our asses off. He’s so funny. He tries to rap and can’t keep a straight face, his rhymes are lame, but the guy concentrates so hard it’s priceless. He just cracked me up. I mean this boy has the face of freaking Angel Gabriel and a borderline hoodlum sensibility. I have a sneaking suspicion that his suburban thug persona is about as real as my James Dean affect, but it’s too soon to put those away. We need those. They are the armature (however temporary) that keep our high school personas aloft. But honestly those 2 hours we hung out were probably the most real I’ve been with anyone in a long fucking time. It felt good. It felt genuine. I felt lighter. And he’s so goddam cute. 

So this dream I had tho. 

Sonja and I were having sex in the third floor men’s bathroom at Hartvig Nissens. The same stall in fact where the sexual conquests of one William Magnusson have been immortalized by sharpie marker on the back tile. (That list is freaking long by the way. )  
Sonja is grinding away on my dick and I’ve got my head thrown back and when I look up she’s got a backwards snapback on. I get infuriated and rip the cap off her head and throw it out of the stall. At that point I’m soft and she gets up, manages to say “Tsk tsk” and leaves.  
It was one of those super vivid dreams that leave you a bit disoriented when you wake up.  
Ok, I know, you don’t have to be Karl Jung to figure that one out. I’m angry, I’m attracted to Isak, and on some level I judge William Magnusson for how much meaningless sex he’s had. Which is rich, cause me just fucking Sonja when I don’t really love her is just as meaningless. I guess that makes me the worst kind of hypocrite. 

But what’s good is that Isak and I exchanged phone numbers. Think he’d like some dick pics before school? Kidding.


	4. How did we get here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get interesting

So I am asking myself. How did I get to the point where I can’t stop thinking about this person with rough blond curls and the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen, and possibly, I might add the most perfect shaped lips I have ever imagined. How did I, Even Bech Næsheim, come to be crushing on this 2nd year wanna be gangsta non rapper? 

It’s not that I am just bored with Sonja, it can’t be just that. It’s not that I have been repressing my homosexual desires for 18 years and by magically seeing young Isak, all latency sprang to the surface and bloomed in full Socratic love. 

Unlike many of my ‘bros” at school I have literally no judgment about being gay. None. Nada. My thoughts and feelings are still evolving (obviously) but I am coming rapidly to the conclusion that love and attraction are a soul’s way of connecting, and the gender is the wrapper. And the more fluidity you can experience about what kinds of wrapping you prefer, the more open you can be to love.  
Ok, this is still an evolving theory, cut me some slack. 

I’m sort of looking forward to our Revue group. I saw Isak’s name on the signup. Maybe some coffee at KB later. 

But first, an annoying text from Sonja. 

Sonja: Do you want to go out for drinks with people from my work Friday?

Even: I don’t know what I will feel like doing. Just plan on going solo. 

Sonja: :(

I got nothing Sonja. Ok this is on me now. I have to handle this. I guess the question is would I, should I, could I, end this whether or not someone else was involved ? I know the answer. I have to talk to her. I’ll deal with this. 

So there he is. Sitting on the bench seat in the theatre room. My heart or my stomach or both did a little jump. He looks up at me from under his unruly hair and his backwards cap, and gives me a quick smile. I take that as an invitation to sit, and in fact, press up against him (to make room for some others of course.) 

The group "leader" Vilde hands out buns and talks about her goals for the group…(okaaaay) and I zone the fuck out. All I can feel is the heat from Isak’s leg pressing against the outside of my thigh. His shoulder brushes against me and I smile. It’s a tribute to my extreme acting ability that I can convince Vilde that I am still present and accounted for. 

Vilde begins some group “intimacy exercise” and I am so outta there.

I lean over to Isak and ask him “Do you want to get out of here” and he nods. I say “Wait 15 seconds, then meet me in the courtyard.”  
I make like I am headed to the bathroom and slip past the now mingling crowd of semi-confused people. 

Isak catches up with me and gives me that boyish charming grin. My heart melts just a tiny bit. We continue our walk away from the school, it’s getting dark. 

“So coffee at KB or …” I suggest and Isak shrugs, I guess that didn’t thrill him. 

Just then, someone whizzes by on his bicycle while looking at his phone- the guy comes so close to Isak that he is pushed into me with considerable force. 

Another space-time altering moment as he instinctually grabs me at my waist and uses me to steady himself. But, and this is monumental, he doesn’t let go. He continues to stand extremely close pressing his body against mine.

“Woof- that was close” he says muttering under his breath. I look down at him with a smile, and we sort of stare at each other for an extended moment. I can’t stop looking at him. I feel my heartbeat speed up. I am truly at a loss as to what to do. Then I feel his hand at the back of my neck pulling me down to meet his lips. He opens his mouth slightly and sucks in my bottom lip as I try unsuccessfully to contain the shudder that passes through me.  
Those perfect cupid bow lips are now pressed behind my right ear and his nose is nuzzling my neck. I’m hard and I’m dizzy. I am kissing him, I am breathing him in, with deep greedy inhales I am trying to absorb his essence. I run my hand over his waist and pull him halfway inside my hoodie. He is all boy - soap, and detergent, and sweat, and weed, it’s almost too much. 

And then we both realize we’re a half a block from school, totally exposed, somewhat lust crazed, and need to rein it in.

“Um, want to go back to um my place?” he says hoarsely. I grin, eyes crinkling and nod my head enthusiastically.  
I don’t remember much about getting to his apartment, somehow we made it to his room and when the door shut, I could barely contain myself. He was feeling it too, as he practically ripped off his flannel and t-shirt. He then went after mine, and luckily, I had enough presence of mind to help him.

We both sort of took a breath and gazed at each other. I didn’t wait long though and ran my hand over his shoulder and down his chest, when I got to his waist, I pulled him to me for a deep kiss. My heart was pounding, I was hard as rock, and completely and totally turned on. 

His hand grazed the top of my waistband and fumbled a bit looking for my zipper. He pushed down my pants and palmed my cock. It rose up to meet him and a small groan escaped from my lips.  
Isak steadied me against the wall by pressing his head against my lower abs. The sight of his blond curls pressing against me and the feel of his hot breath on my dick almost undid me right there. 

I guess it was instinct, or maybe knowing first hand (ha ha) what feels good, Isak knew exactly what to do. Running his tongue all along the bottom of my cock he then took me completely in his mouth. Ungh…I think I just got to heaven. Using his mouth and his hands he proceeded to bring me right to the edge of losing it. He chose this moment to leave my aching groin and kiss me so deeply that my head started to spin.  
I wanted his hot mouth on my cock again but I was longing to feel his body pressed against mine…such a delicious conundrum.  
He then proceeded to finish me off with a vigorous and enthusiastic sucking of my engorged dick. I came as hard as I ever have, I can’t even come up with a suitable metaphor…none of them even approach that peak experience... Surfing the greatest wave…eating the best hot fudge sundae? They pale in comparison. 

Can I possibly convey the intensity and the pure release I felt when I looked down and saw Isak looking up at me with that face? No freaking words. I was wreaked. He was smiling. It was amazing.


	5. Norwegian Wood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Sexy Times

“After deep release comes deep sleep and so it is written “  
-Chronicles of Evak 21:21

Falling asleep in Isak’s arms was blissful. His bed was like the motherlode of Isak scent. I felt engulfed and my heart was full. A happy, more contented me has never lived on this earthly plain. 

When I finally awoke, I couldn’t stop smiling as I watched his angelic face sleeping – and frankly I was powerless to resist nuzzling his neck and placing tiny nips along his jaw. 

I rubbed my nose along the underside of chin and aligned my torso with his, creating a small amount of friction engineered to wake up certain parts of his body. It was not an issue as I soon discovered, something hard and insistent was pushing against my leg. Either Isak was playing me, or he was still sleeping and this was his Norwegian (morning) Wood introducing itself. 

I ran my hands down his slender but well-defined chest, resting my fingers on his lower abdomen. Gently stroking him I ventured into the soft blond curls that surrounded the object of my desire. Running my hands down his thighs I trailed my fingers over his perfect ass, along his slim hips, but not touching where I am sure he wanted me to touch. His now eager cock brushed the back of my hand and I turned my palm to give it a quick stroke. Isak let out low guttural moan and pressed his groin into my waiting hand.

He was either awake and playing it cool, or he was having the best dream ever. I quickly removed my hand and wet it with the saliva that had been pooling in mouth ever since I had seen his beautiful rock hard dick wedged against my leg. I then proceeded to move my hand firmly up and down, moving the skin along his shaft as he instinctually thrust upward. My other hand had found his balls which I gently stroked and kneaded. I knew he was awake now as his groans of pleasure were loud and enthusiastic. I swiped my thumb along the head of his cock and wiped the pre-cum down the ridge on the bottom of his penis. I guess he really enjoyed that as he proceeded to roll on top of me, grabbed my chin and kissed me passionately. He came quick and hard with an “Oh Jesus” muttered under his breath. 

I grabbed a handful of tissues (Not the whole box...ok?) and after cleaning up a bit, kissed that sweet beautiful boy all over his face. We must have gazed at each other for another twenty minutes…a few nose rubs, some neck kisses and then Isak looks at me and said “It’s time for cheese toasties.” How romantic. What am I gonna do with my horny hungry boy?


	6. Taking Care of Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had to be done.

After spending the weekend with Isak in bed, I was both massively happy and overwhelmingly guilty. I still hadn’t had “the talk” with Sonja, and so technically, I guess, I was cheating on her. She hadn’t texted me all weekend, which was odd, really odd. I phoned her, hoping to set up a coffee date so we could discuss what was going on. It went immediately to voice mail. Hmmm, that was so unlike her. 

I reluctantly said goodbye to Isak, waved a sheepish hullo and good bye to his somewhat dumbfounded roommates, and headed back to my apartment to do some homework before school tomorrow.  
As I was walking I got a text from Sonja. 

Sonja: Ok. Ya. Let’s talk. Meet you at Kaffebrenneriet on Skovveien in 20 minutes

Me: Ok

I was at a loss as to what to say to her - this person for whom I cared so deeply. She has stood by me, saw the best in me, encouraged me to be true to myself, helped me discover life away from the computer screen, got me out of the house…so many things. How could I explain to her that my feelings were authentic, yet not carnal? Could I talk about my change of heart without de-valuing the last few years we had together? How could I possibly express the feelings I had for Isak to someone who loved me in the same way. 

It’s funny, I was not asking myself these questions right before I went to Isak’s house.  
I conveniently let lust block out all of my considerations the minute his perfect lips touched mine.  
Now, I guess, it was time to pay the piper. 

As I walked in to KB I saw Sonja sitting at a booth staring into her steaming coffee looking sad and dejected.  
A blast of self-loathing and guilt washed over me. I stopped by the counter and got a coffee. 

“Halla” I said as I slipped in the booth across from her. 

“Hey” Sonja said, barely looking at me. Although she looked sad, she still looked good.  
Let me clarify. She had makeup on, her hair was perfect, and her outfit was pretty fancy for just a coffee at KB.  
This was not a person who had spent the weekend holed up in bed not texting me. There was definitely more here than meets the eye. 

“What’s going on Sonja?” I asked, not in a mean or challenging way, but more of a true “inquiring minds want to know way.”  
She looked up at me with tears pooling in her eyes and said “Oh Even, I’ve been a really bad person.”

I was dumbfounded and sort of tilted my head and nodded slightly.  
She continued in a rush of words, as if, if she got it out quickly it would hurt both of us less.  
“You know the boss that has been flirting with me? Well, really, in truth, it has been mutual, and it has been going on quite a while, and in fact, it has been more than flirting, and actually I’m sleeping with him and I am so, so sorry, and oh my God I am a terrible, terrible, horrible person. “

I had to absorb her news. I came to this summit thinking I was going to be the object of hate, the evil one, the transgressor, but instead Sonja thought I was the violated party.  
For a moment, playing the betrayed boyfriend and leaving the coffee shop in a huff crossed my mind, but that would never play.

I let out a long quiet breath of air. 

The first thing that came out of my mouth was “When did you spend time with him? You’ve been at my place every night since I moved to Oslo”  
She nodded her head saying “Yeah, I know, I had convinced myself that if only I spent more time with you, the feelings for him would go away.”  
She dabbed her now running mascara with a napkin, and said “It hasn’t Even, I really love this guy and I know that makes me a cheating, horrible person.  
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want you to hate me.”

“Well Sonja” I said, taking a deep breath  
“You and I are in a similar place. I came here today not knowing how to tell you, that I have fallen fast and hard for someone too.”

The look of shock on Sonja’s face was almost comical. Her mouth formed a perfect round “O”. Her brow creased and she shook her head as if she hadn’t heard me correctly.  
“What?” she said softly, “I don’t understand.” 

“Well, let me backtrack a bit Sonja,” I said. “When you left Bergen, I did miss you but I also felt a bit liberated. All the confidence being your boyfriend gave me, stayed with me and I had none of the responsibility. For the first time in my life I had a ton of friends, I let down my guard a bit, and didn’t really care what people thought of me. I owe a lot of that to you.  
Being with you really helped my self-esteem. You thought I was good-looking and smart, and by sheer will, convinced others of the same thing.”  
She chuckled and shook her head and said "That's sweet Even."

“When I got to Hartvig Nissens I still had some of that left over swagger thanks to you ” I said. 

“So Even, cut to the chase, what’s her name? Is she a dancer? Does she have long blond hair and killer boobs? “ Sonja said with a bit of an edge to her voice. “Is she an innocent first year with a crush on a handsome third year with swagger?”

“Um no Sonja. Not a first year, not a dancer, no boobs, not a her.”

Again with the shocked “O” face. Sonja muttered under her breath “what the fuck….Seriously Even, a boy? Seriously?" 

“Yup” I said, shrugging my shoulders. 

“Wow. Even, I have no words. I mean I just don’t know what to say.” 

“That’s cool Sonja. I know. I guess I really want you to know that the time we had together was really good, and really meaningful, and fun. I have no regrets. I hope you don’t have any regrets? “ 

I wanted to reassure her that what we had at the time was authentic. She wasn’t my beard, I wasn’t scoping out boys at our old school, I was fully in. I just didn’t know how to say it. 

She started to get up and said “I just need time to process this, I’ll call you.” 

I watched as she walked out of the coffee shop, and a part of me was pissed. She got to leave like the injured party and yet we were both equally guilty of the same act.

I took the high road…well maybe not the high road - I could have not told her about Isak and been all pissed off and righteous, but perpetuating a lie seemed like a total dick move.

Why did I feel so bad now? Well at least I didn’t feel guilty anymore. I was hiding nothing, and if Sonja was mad, then that was her problem. Hell, she got to bone her boss and be mad at me; double win for Sonja. 

As I walked home in the blustery Oslo wind, a text came in from Isak: “You good?” I replied with a heart emoji. I was good. So good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reads. Special Thanks to Cobalt Bleu. Love reading your comments. This is my first writing experience ever.


	7. A one-sided conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even has time to think -(not necessarily a good thing)

Now that things are settled with Sonja, there are bigger issues to be handled. I am supremely consumed with the idea that Isak is only experimenting. That would be my greatest fear; if he decides whatever we have going on is just not for him, I would be beyond crushed. All I have to do is think about kissing him and my heart starts to speed up. I am so caught up in this. 

I am a bit worried that we rushed into the sex thing too quickly. We both got so into it, there was no way either one of us was going to stop. But now, it will be impossible to go back and start over. We could dial it back though. I guess we will have to talk about this. I’m really scared and afraid of what he might say. I have no idea if our weekend in bed was just that, a weekend in bed. Man, my brain is going a million miles an hour. This sudden insecurity and fear is new to me. Seriously. I never worried about it with Sonja, I sort of always felt like well it’s good now and we’ll see what happens. No anxiety or stress at all when it came to what she thought of me or how I felt, it was just chill. 

And then it hits me like a ton of bricks. For the first time ever -I REALLY care, this person actually means the world to me. Losing him would feel like dying. What the hell… I feel sick. I stop at bus bench and hold my head in my hands and just stare down at the sidewalk trying to get my bearings. Ok, I tell myself, these feelings I am experiencing are the result of a one-sided conversation between me, and my overactive imagination. All this worry is coming from actual nothingness – just me trying to figure it out on my own. There are two people in this thing and I am not including him in the discussion. Everything is just conjecture until it’s talked about. My rational side has finally shown up and just in time. I was starting to panic and that was doing no one any good. 

A few deep breaths, and I continue my walk home.  
Ok now on to the homework that was supposed to get done before the Sonja shit show. 

After dinner with my parents, I continue studying and catching up on homework. Of course my mind wanders away from my required reading and I realize that formally ending things with Sonja had forced me to really think about what is going on with Isak. The one-sided panic attack was just the concern (and hope) that this “thing” is as real for him as it is for me. 

I text him: “Reading An Enemy of the People - come save me from Henrik Ibsen”. 

A quick response from Isak; “Come save me from Charles Darwin and Evolution”

I text back “We’ll save each other tomorrow night then?”

I get a single red heart back. 

That will have to do.


	8. Clarification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarity...

School-Monday Well, I don’t see Isak until the lunch break where he is fully engaged with his boys. I have no idea if he has told them anything about us. I don’t even know if they have any idea that Isak and I know each other. It kind of bugs me if I am Isak’s dirty little secret, but it is his secret, he gets to decide who knows what. The ugly thought rears its head again…what if I am Isak’s experiment? And if he decides that he’s not into dudes…what happens to my heart? All this is crowding my brain as I walk by Isak and his squad on my way outside to have a cigarette. 

I give him a slight nod and keep on walking. I hear him behind me saying “hey wait up” as he joins me pushing through the outer door. I look down at him and am rewarded with the most soul crushing smile I have ever seen. I am surprised that my heart doesn’t leap out of my chest right there in the courtyard. 

“Hey” I say, “won’t your friends wonder where you are going and who I am?” “Ah fuck ‘em, – they don’t care” he says casually. “All they do is bust my balls all the time anyway,” he adds for emphasis. We go sit on a bench and I light up my smoke. I take a deep inhale and slowly exhale …”so I officially ended things with my girlfriend yesterday” I said. 

Isak just stares at a fixed point somewhere on the pavement in front of him, a very long awkward pause ensues. 

“What? Um. I don’t think I even knew you had a girlfriend…we never discussed it…(another long uncomfortable pause)…how long were you guys dating?” 

“About a year” I said. “We knew each other at my old school. I guess there’s a lot of things we haven’t discussed, Isak. I kinda of feel bad about that actually. “

“Do you feel bad about breaking up?” he asked me looking over at me with a serious expression on his face. “I mean did it have anything to do with what happened this weekend?... Um between us and …” A rose colored blush quickly rises up his face, coloring his cheeks and forehead. 

“Well yes and no,” I say. "Sonja and I have been drifting apart for a while, first because of the physical separation, she was here in Oslo while I was still with my folks, and then, being without her felt liberating and frankly I was happier. Then, spending the last weekend with you…it just felt so different, so right, so comfortable, I just knew that my time with Sonja was over. Um, and she’s been fucking her boss for the last few months so there’s that.” 

“Whaaat?” Isak said “No way, what a bitch!”  
“Well I cheated on her with you, so I guess turnabout is fair play, right? “ I ask, signature eyebrow raise in full effect. 

“No man, I mean we spent one weekend messing around, she’s been sleeping with her boss for months-what the fuck??” He said incredulously. 

When Isak says “one weekend messing around” so casually, my stomach flips. I mean – was that all it was to him? Jesus! This is my entry way into the talk I want to have, but we have to be back in class in like 2 minutes. We get up and start to walk back to school.

Then Isak looks up at me and says “Well I for one am glad you broke up with her, of course, as long as you aren’t sad or anything. And yes, being with you felt different for me too, I mean, actually I’ve never felt anything like it.”

That right there. Woof. He just wreaked me with that. Anxiety gone. Exhilaration back. Boom. He licks his lips and smiles. I am dead. It takes all the self control I can muster not to throw him down right there and ravish him in the courtyard. I stifle that impulse and a huge smile takes over my face, full on eye crinkling, toothy smile. 

We agree to meet up after school and chill at his place.


	9. A walk and then some

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Kebab-A Walk-Some Kisses

Ok. It is all different now, completely and totally different. What’s happened since you last left me, you ask? Nothing but everything. I am a free man.   
Last weekend was not just a hook up. Isak has confirmed that he has never felt like “this” or some equally life affirming statement.

I feel as though I have been operating in a haze- -looking through a greasy pair of glasses and suddenly everything is in sharp focus. I am not explaining myself well - let me try. 

I had a crush, we hung out, he accidently got pushed into me by some douche on a bicycle (or angel!) We went back to his place; we messed around –a lot-! I ended up spending the weekend with him in bed, it was all about GOING FOR IT, making him feel good, making myself feel good, just getting off as much as I could and him too (I’m not an asshole for Chrissakes.) 

I was unsure if it was going anywhere, I was thinking it was, at the very least, a way to get me off my butt to break up with Sonja. 

Ah but now. Now it definitely feels like SOMETHING MORE. 

__________________

 

I wait for Isak in the courtyard; my last class for the day is done. He plows through the double doors with Jonas, who peels off and heads toward his bike, parked at the rack. Isak spots me, heads my way and gives me one of those heart crushing smiles, head slightly tilted down, puppy dog eyes looking up at me through blond fringe, backward cap keeping it all in artful disarray.

I melt. 

“Halla” I say softly, wanting to smother him with kisses, but holding it all together (rather valiantly I might add.)

“Halla” Isak whispers back, awkwardly sort of elbowing me and getting as close as he can without hugging me.  
(This is excruciating) 

“So?” employing my eyebrows to do my dirty work, “Where do you want to go to hang out?” I ask. 

I truly honestly don’t want this to be all about sex. I am very aware that up to this point it has been. But with my newfound clarity, I am sure that there is more here. 

So on one hand I would like to be naked in Isak’s bed immediately, and on the other hand I would like to go to Slottsparken, walk around, hold hands, talk about life, talk about our passions, our hates, our loves, our music, our plans. What’s it gonna be Isak? My life right now is literally in your hands. I know I am the director of my own movie, but I really feel like letting him call the next shot, maybe the next few shots. 

“I say we go get a kebab and take the long way back to my place,” he says. 

“That sounds perfect…” 

And so the next hour we do exactly what I was hoping for, talk about inconsequential stuff, video games and favorite TV shows (FIFA, and Narcos, Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad) Movies we like (Isak: Straight outta Compton, Me: Anything by Baz Luhrman.) 

There is no p.d.a. he is still figuring it all out I guess- I refuse to take it personally. No handholding or passionate kisses in front of the giant phallus called “the monolith” in the Vigeland sculpture park, but that’s ok. I am hoping there will be time for all of that. I am happy we are together, laughing, teasing each other and having fun.

Time literally slips away and before I know it we are at Isak’s apartment. He invites me in, but warns me that he has a ton of homework to do and can’t really afford to blow it off. 

It’s perfect actually. I am both disappointed (no naked Isak) and happy (see Isak -it’s not just about sex!) that this has happened.

We go into his room and in my classic Even style I tilt my head and ask if we can just kiss for 15 minutes and then I will go and let him study. He answers by placing his hand on the back of my neck and pulling me to his perfect lips. For someone who is so shy in the outside world, he makes up for lost time with his hot mouth. Licking my lips he forces entry with his insistent tongue and proceeds to kiss me within an inch of my life. I can’t help but moan into his mouth, my heart pounding, my hands seeking purchase on the back of his sweater. Woo! We pull away and grin at each other; he dives in for another kiss, equally passionate, almost desperate. This is escalating quickly and for both of our sakes I pull back and nuzzle his neck, placing small kisses along his jawline. I take a long draw of Isak’s scent and wish that I could somehow take his essence with me. I feel a bit drunk. I sneak a look at him, and he is equally intoxicated, his eyes at half-mast, unsteady on his feet. Two boys drunk with love –what a pair. I know if this continues any longer no studying will get done, and I can’t live with those consequences. (I am, the older more responsible one- am I not?) 

“Baby we gotta stop now – “ I manage to get out. “It’s a school night – we both have stuff to do.” I literally see Isak come back to earth; it is both adorable and heartbreaking. He shakes off his lust, squares up his shoulders, and hides his vulnerability and retreats. 

I won’t let him do it. I want him to understand that he set up this boundary and I am not rejecting him, I am respecting him. I grab his hand, I hold it up to my mouth, and I kiss the back of it while looking into eyes. “ You are so hot Isak, you make me crazy, I can’t wait to spend more time with you this weekend.” His shy smile and rosy blush kill me. A soft peck on his perfect lips and I am gone.


	10. Delayed Gratification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting is such a bitch

The walk home is not easy, my hard-on chafes against my underwear, everything is so tight it’s uncomfortable. I wonder if Isak is feeling the same. Well he’s home, he can retreat to his room and rub one out. I have to walk home thinking of gross things; the biology teacher’s saggy boobs, Trump’s ugly face, pickled herring… Ah, things are back to normal. 

If I needed any more reassurance that my attraction to Isak was more than sexual, today confirmed it. I love his “take” on things. I don’t always agree with how he sees the world, but I can appreciate it. He is massively intelligent about things I don’t know or care about; the natural sciences, the way the human body works, chemistry-all the subjects that are so difficult for me in school. We are like two puzzle pieces, different but we fit. 

Did it ever feel like this with Sonja I wonder? Certainly the excitement of a new relationship, the promise of sex, the getting to really know someone seems similar; but different too. With Sonja, it felt like two shiny surfaces rubbing up against each other, all slick and solid. With Isak, it feels weighty and warm and sweet and “melty” - different but the same. 

I step outside my self for a minute and give a quick acknowledgement to the universe that I am lucky enough to be experiencing these different “types” of love, that I am fortunate to live in country where it is safe to do so, with parents who accept me. I am so fucking lucky. 

I get home in time to watch some television with my folks and then retreat to my room to finish my schoolwork and fantasize about Isak, not necessarily in that order. As if thoughts have power (they do…) my phone chimes with a text from Isak. 

Isak: You are a total cock block but I did get my work done – so that’s good.

Me: See - all for the greater good

Isak: Fuck you, I was so hard after you left, I had to take care of myself

Me: I had to think about pickled herring and Trump’s ugly face to get my dick to calm down, so there. 

Isak: Ew ☹

Me: So what’s up for the weekend? 

Isak: The boys are talking about a pregame at a first year’s house Friday but…

Me: but?

Isak: I would rather hang out with you here, watch Netflix, chill, whatever. 

Me: It’s the whatever that interests me. (Am I making it all about sex again Even? Naah, )

Isak: Me too.

Me: ☺ 

Isak: OK. Going to sleep. I hope I dream about whatever. See you tomorrow. 

Me: Sweet Dreams baby. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Does anything ever go as slow as a Friday at school? The classes seem endless, the teachers drone on and on, the air feels thick and hot. The only thing I can focus on is seeing Isak-a quick covert snog at his locker would tide me over til school gets out. Am I asking too much? Help me out here Oh god of chance encounters. 

I skulk around Isak’s locker between classes and finally I see him, and pretend that I haven’t been creeping around it all day. 

“Halla” I say, gently resting my hand on his hip. The impulse to hug him close is an overwhelming urge but I am resisting. He blushes, it must be our proximity, or he was picturing a quickie in the janitor’s closet, I am hoping for the latter. 

He teases me and whispers “I am really looking forward to whatever later.” Ah, that explains the blush, and the stiffness in my pants. 

“Yah, me too” I manage to get out and then cough, to distract from my increasing excitement. 

“You okay?” Isak asks, momentary concern creasing his brow, I glance down at my now largely visible erection and so does Isak. 

Damn him, that sneaky tongue of his peaks out and licks his lips. He is literally trying to kill me. 

“Rats, I wish I didn’t have to hoof over to my biology class, I would totally take care of that for you, if I had some more time,” he says with a wink. 

A wink! Evil bastard. I pretend to hit my head against the lockers and mutter under my breath. Just then his bio partner Sana pops by with a warning for Isak, “Don’t be late Valterson, no matter what the distraction, we can’t afford a grade penalty.” 

“Wow, she’s tough” I say, raising my eyebrows. 

“You have no idea” Isak replies closing his locker with a frustrated bang. “See you at 15:15 in the courtyard.” 

If I thought time dragged before, I was mistaken. How can an hour walk with Isak seem like five minutes and an hour before I see him again seem like an eternity? It must be physics -which I suck at, so there you go. 

Finally, the bell rings. I bolt out of the classroom practically knocking down anyone who seems to be in my way, flying down the stairs, taking two a time til I bust the doors open, run to the bench and then, catch my breath, get my shit together, and casually wait there like I don’t have a care in the world. (Cool Even still appears once in a while.) 

I’m leaning against the back of the bench, legs stretched in front of me, checking my phone, when I sense a strong pull to look up, and I see him: Isak framed in the door way of the school staring at me. The butterflies in my stomach start fluttering immediately, my mouth goes dry, I draw in a stuttering breath; cool Even has officially left the building. 

He saunters over, bundled up against the cold and lets out a “Finally!! God! That afternoon went on forever! !  
We head for the tram, bumping arms, exchanging smiles, hands brushing - Lets call it urban closeted foreplay, in it’s own way kinda hot. Hot especially when I think about what awaits us when we finally get to Isak’s room.


	11. Whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some after school activity

10  
Whatever

Our dash to Isak’s room was almost comical. We deposited our shoes at the door, hanging up our coats on the wall pegs.   
Hoping to avoid the roommates, we circumvented the kitchen and living room by sticking stealthily to the hallway. 

Once inside Isak’s room, door closed, we embraced- puzzle pieces joining, warmth and smiles, lots of little kisses and bubbling laughter, finally the tension broken a bit. “God I have wanted this so badly all week, it’s all I could think about” Isak whispers in my ear. I respond with a heated kiss, my hands framing Isak’s face. I can’t get enough of his hot mouth, I press him up against the wall and line up my body with his. 

Running my fingers through his hair, I press myself against him, so he can feel what he does to me. There is no mistaking how hard I am for him. He pushes back at me with both hands on my chest, saying “on the bed, now” with an intensity that I haven’t heard before. It’s super hot, and I hear myself saying “oh Jesus Isak” while finding the edge of the bed with the back of my legs. 

He launches himself on top of me, sucking at my neck, unbuttoning my shirt, kicking off his shoes, all seemingly at the same time. 

Who are you and where is the Eskimo kissing, soft boy who I was with last weekend? 

Isak grabs the bottom of my T-shirt and tugs it up my body, peppering me with kisses all the way up my chest, pausing at my nipples to suck and nip at me. I groan while pulling my shirt over my head and pull Isak up to my mouth for a deep kiss. 

“What has come over you?” I whisper into his blond curls - he looks at me with a momentary flash of self-consciousness –exactly the opposite of how I want him to feel. “No – Isak- it’s amazing-you’re amazing” I manage to get out between kisses, 

I sit up with my back against the wall and say “It’s just so different from how its been.” He pulls back and looks at me with those freaking Bambi eyes and says “It’s taken me so long to figure out what I wanted, and now, I know, it’s you I want, and …I just can’t hold back anymore. Is that okay?” “It’s more than okay Isak, c’mere” I whisper. 

Then it’s my turn to take his layers off, but I do it slowly, kissing his exposed shoulder, nuzzling his neck, rolling his shirt up and running my nose up the middle of his chest. He holds his hands above his head as I lift off his shirt. I am having an out of body experience as I gaze at this beautiful boy in front of me. 

I just want to make him feel amazing. He crawls up my legs and sits firmly on my lap, straddling my outstretched legs. He puts his arms around my neck and presses his bare chest against mine. I find my favorite spot underneath his ear, right above his jaw line and begin to suckle and bite him gently. He responds by rubbing against my groin with intent. If this goes on too long, it might get messy. Dry humping is fine at a party, but this party right here, this is gonna be all or nothing. 

“Pleeeaaaaseee Isak, stop,” I beg. I go for the button closure on his jeans and pull his Jeans and boxers off at the same time. He shimmys his pants off for me and then helps me lose mine. I grab his gorgeous firm ass and pull him toward me. My aching hard dick springs up and meets his in the middle. 

He is now essentially lying on top of me and our dicks are rubbing up against each other, It feels amazing, I hear Isak say “Oh shit, God…” and I know I am not the only one who feels how good this is. Precum is leaking from Isak’s dick, and I swipe at it, and rub it up and down his shaft with my index finger. I let my cock do the rest, but I too am leaking which makes the friction all the more enjoyable. I run my hands through his hair as I kiss and grind against his straining cock. He is stroking me, groaning into my mouth, I mumble “Fuck I’m gonna come” as my balls tighten and spurt all over Isak’s taut abs. My orgasm must have put him right over the edge, as I hear an “Oh God,” , and he covers my stomach with his jizz. 

We both lie there, spent, happy, sticky, and grinning like two fools. Eventually Isak gets up and comes back with a warm wash cloth. 

He cleans us both up and then crawls back in the bed and wraps himself around me. He is kissing my back, hugging me, pressing his cheek against me. I can’t stop smiling , I tuck his hands around my waist pulling him close. This is just so amazing. I think we both doze off for a few minutes. 

It’s different than last weekend. We are in this together. It’s not just one person showing the other a “good time” a hook up. This is more about us being in tandem, in sync. 

I want to try stuff with him. Stuff I’ve never done, things I am sure he has never done. Things that involve lube and condoms and bubble bath and whatever it is that Isak wants to do. I mentally pinch myself that this beautiful boy, this sweet, eye-rolling funny boy wants to be naked with me in his bed. 

I roll over on my side and gaze at him. He opens his eyes and tilts his head “What? “ he says scrunching up his nose at me. “Nothing just looking at you - you’re fucking beautiful Isak” He dips his head and I am sure rolls his eyes although I can’t see them. I tip his chin up and kiss those perfect lips. He makes a noise like “mmmmmm’’ and it reverberates through my whole body, I pull him in for another long deep kiss. 

Things feel sorted now. There will be so much more time together, so much more love. The need to explain myself has dissipated.  
And now, because I want to be present in the moment, fully with Isak, I will shut off the running dialogue in my head, and so dear reader, there will be no more thoughts to share with you. 

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been so fun to write. I love these guys and playing in their world, I hope I did them justice. My first piece of fiction writing. I am grateful for all of your comments and feedback. Thank you.


End file.
